I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
