This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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