he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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