Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
