my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
