i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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