When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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