Im at strip club and am horny
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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