i barfeds in our rink
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
