You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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