Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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