Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
