i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
