Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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