Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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