The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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