the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
