I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
