I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
