I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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