I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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