508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
