Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This baby is an asshole
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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