Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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