White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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