i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
