There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
