doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
