oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
