I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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