Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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