Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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