I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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