i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
