His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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