eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
