i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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