don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
