Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
