you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
40s are totally the cure
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
