Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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