Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
