You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
