Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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