"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
