I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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