i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
