every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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