Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
