she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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