You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
