Whats the glycemic index on semen?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
