Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
