Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize