haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
