i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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