Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
