Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We need to get me chipped asap
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
