she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
