We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
