I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
tell me about the eggs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
