Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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