If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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