eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She told me I should be a condom model.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Blood and glitter go together right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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