Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
