Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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