would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
