He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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