Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
