Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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