are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
