We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
