Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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