You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
