Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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