I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
