TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's blow job season.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
