The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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