I think i peed on brittanys purse
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
