I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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