sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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