I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
