So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
