She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize