remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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