People in love make me want to vomit
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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